Rethinking BFF

Your best friend is your confidant, trusted sidekick, ride or die, and family member, but can that be too much sometimes?

Many times, we expect unswaying loyalty, unbreakable trust, round the clock availability, and priority over anyone else- even a potential or established partner. How many of you have heard “bros before hoes”? Exactly, we all have. Best friends are bound together for eternity, while other relationships are phases that the best friend will get them through.

Recently, I had to reanalyze the responsibilities of a best friend and I realized that they were heavy. You’re basically in a committed relationship with someone who you have no sexual or intimate feelings for. Later on, you’ll have to split yourself selflessly between not only your best friend, but your partner as well. Imagine being loyal, being available, trusting and prioritizing two people who you truly care for. It’s like balancing two love interests and it already takes a lot of energy to maintain one. (I don’t know how “players” do it.) And so I come back to the question, is it too much- too much responsibility, too much pressure, too much energy?

I don’t know if I can answer this question for everyone. Every relationship is different and things that may work for one may not work for all, but there are a few things that should be kept in mind universally before choosing to call someone your best friend.

1.       Do they respect you?

You might have the most fun when you’re with this person. They say a lot of negative things about you, they’re condescending and or rude, but you lay these faults to the wayside, ignoring them, because you enjoy their company. Things may seem all fine and dandy now, but respect is integral in any type of relationship. One day you may just be pushed to the breaking point because you realize that they intentionally hurt you due to a lack of respect and concern for your feelings. Believe me; I’ve seen it happen before. Selflessness is one of the main pillars of any relationship.

2.       Are you embarrassed by them?

I have had friends before that I knew that I could only take certain places because I was scared that their behavior would be too wild and crazy. Even though I may like that animated energy in the club, I don’t know if I want it in front of my colleagues. The thing about a best friend, bff, or bffl (best friend for life) is that they’re supposed to be your friend that supersedes everyone else, not for a particular realm of your life. But honestly, I don’t think this is a deal breaker. It’s definitely something to keep in mind though.

3.       Can they keep a secret?

We all love to get the “tea”, 411, or latest gossip, but how would you feel if you were the story and it was being shared by the person you call your bff. Mad, of course, and betrayed, hurt, and confused as well as a thousand other negative emotions. Make sure that the person that you have around you values your trust in them and allows you to confide in them without doubts that the word will get around. Before you guys have established a solid relationship, watch how they talk to you about people they consider close friends or family. Is there a boundary that they won’t cross or are they just a fountain of information? This is a great indicator of how they will treat you if you guys were to get to that bff status.

4.       What are they doing with their life?

Best friends are someone that you’re going to be spending a lot of time with either on the phone, in person or over Facebook chat. Either way, they’re in your life and you’re going to make memories with them that will last forever. That being said, they are going to have a HUGE influence over you. You guys obviously have shared interests or personality types so you’ll be more likely already to take heed to what they say and sometimes follow what they do. This could be a good or bad thing depending on what they’re saying or doing. If you’re hanging around with someone who smokes, drinks, is in a gang, robs stores, shoplifts, bullies other people, has unprotected sex and or has low goals for their life think about how that will affect you. You should want someone who pushes you to better rather than someone who encourages you to be complacent or in an even worse situation than you were in. As Madea said, “I can do bad all by myself”.

Tell me what you think.