How to Talk to your Gay, Male Friend

1.       Don’t ask 110 questions about their sexuality.

If one of your male friends shared their sexuality with you, this does not mean that you have the right to interrogate them. “Coming out” is a difficult thing and he may be trying to understand his identity himself. Asking him a number of questions that he hasn't fully answered himself or may not be willing to share will not make him feel comfortable or good about himself. Sometimes less is more and patience is key. Respect your relationship and him by allowing him to come to you and volunteer information instead of you grilling him.

2.       Ask, instead of assuming.

With what I said above being said, it’s still important to ask questions when confused or if you want clarity. Bottling in every single thought, idea, and opinion is not healthy for you or your relationship. The trick is to maintain a balance. Let him come to you to share things with you and then ask from there or initiate conversations in a respectful manner sporadically.

3.       Don’t think they have superior fashion sense.

In the same vein of assuming, don’t expect your male friend to now be your "gay male friend', talking smack, vogueing, and an overnight stylist. Gay men don’t necessarily have a better fashion sense and expecting this from your friend will highlight the stereotypes that you believe to be true. Don’t believe the hype and the media- there is no association between being gay and being stylish.

4.       Be supportive.

Regardless of his sexuality, he is still your friend. He trusted you enough to share something with you that he may have been struggling with. Don’t judge or look at him with disgust- simply be there. In a lot of schools, gay boys are bullied into suicide. Be one of the reasons that your friend wants to live.

5.       Don’t joke about it unless they initiate.

I am going to reiterate how sensitive the topic of sexuality is. Even though it doesn't define a person, it does influence many parts of their lives. It can be years before someone is truly comfortable with their decision to come out and live their life as a gay man. That courage is not easy to muster up. Even though joking can be used as a tool to ease tensions, it can still hurt his feelings. To avoid this misunderstanding, stay clear of the gay jokes until he initiates them.

Are you or a friend struggling with their sexuality? How did you deal with it? Do you think the same rules apply for a gay, female friend?