Virginity Shame

In the 1950’s, women were required to be ladies. This meant that they had to be meek, cultured, sartorially modest, and sexually passive. As women have become more empowered over the decades, they have pushed back against this notion of lady-likeness. No longer are women limiting themselves to wearing lace gloves, being polite, and playing coy. Women have evolved past these gender restraints, mirroring the choice and freedom that men have to express themselves as they see fit. And thus, feminists were born- women and men who believe that women are equal to men and should be treated that way.

Along with this new found agency and empowerment, has come a sense of sexual liberation. Celebrities like Madonna, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, and Kesha have proudly exclaimed that they are in control of their sexuality. They are not men’s playthings, but they have their own sexual desires and act on them without remorse. They get horny, aroused, and if no one is there to satisfy their wants, they will pleasure themselves. This declaration of sexual female self-sufficiency is exciting and progressive, applauded and mirrored by women all over the world, but who does it outcast?

Virgins and the sexually inexperienced women become a group that is ridiculed and shamed. In this new society of sexual empowerment, there is no space for those who do not want to be sexually bold and experimental. Movies like 40 Year Old Virgin, and almost any other teenage comedy frames virgins as unfavorable characters. Usually they are characterized as losers, “weird-os”, and childlike because they have not experienced sex. They haven’t reached “manhood”, “womanhood” or “adulthood” as if having sex makes you more responsible, sensible, and mature.

Females, more specifically, face a unique challenge with maintaining their virginity because of the new outbreak of hyper-sexualized females in a world where females were once thought of as unable to orgasm or experience any type of sexual pleasure. Women’s sexual liberation acts as resistance to those old ideas of female purity. This is a promising thought, but then female virgins becomes criticized as living in the past, submissive, choice-less, and outdated.

By no means am I saying that women should revert to being the asexualized 1950’s ideal of a step ford wife, but there should be room and respect for those women who choose to not have sex at all, one-night stands, or express their sexual desires vulgarly. With every sexual decision, women should be informed, protected, and confident that it is the right decision for them.  Being an empowered women means being confident in and smart about the decisions that you make without judging and demeaning others who have made different life choices. There is room for all types of women to co-exist.

Be safe! Be smart! Be open-minded!

Tell me your thoughts ladies!!

Written by: Catherine Smalling